January 16, 2004

Westward Ho!

Oh golly, what a day it's been! Since it was all snowy, Rovey spent the morning simply glued to the davenport watching Zogby returns on CNN (though of course he had The View in split screen in the corner - nothing short of Armageddon could get in the way of Rovey's "Star Time", and even if it came to that, I think Rovey's boss would know to wait until after the show was over to press the button). But once he saw how tight the Iowa race was running, he declared in that manly, mucus-lubricated, won't-take-no-for-an-answer twang of his, "Virginia, get my long johns. We're going to Des Moines!"

Well, after I pried him up from his seat (Turns out he *was* glued to the davenport! I really should be more careful mopping up after we use the honey bear…), oh how merrily we danced! "Iowa?!?!?!", you say? Why would you get so frothed up over a trip to the CornNut State? Well for one, I defy you to find me any girl who doesn't get a little dewy down South over the notion of a great big caucus like that. And in case *that's* not a solid enough thrust in an Iowan direction for you, imagine this — motel time with Rovey!

Few things get my Blubblenumpkin's whities tighter than the texture of a musty Vellux blanket on his bare tushie while he's gripping a Gideon bible in one paw, and a moist lump of mushed-up vending machine Nutter Butters in the other. Especially if the TV is wired for basic cable so I can tweezer-tend his lower back tufts to the background dulcet tones of Lou Dobbs. Ahhhh…heaven.

Anyhow, they're expecting us, or rather Liberty Seafoam Smith and his common-law love-bride Dolphinsqueak Patchouli Jones-Smith (he thought we'd fit in better with the campaign that way) at the Iowa for Dean headquarters tomorrow. As I've mentioned before, I think my Rovey has a little boy-crush on Dr. Deanypants, 'cause he seems reeeeeealllly keen on having Dean be the Dem out on the campaign trail come this summer and fall. So, we're going to be campaigning our chilly little buns off door-to-door in the Des Moines area, swapping out Joe Trippi's Diet Pepsi I.V.s, hand-stretching Governor Dean's shirt collars — whatever is needed!

Rovey might also slip on over to Gephardt (where he'll be Joey H. Milktruck) and Kerry (there he's Pinkerton Worthington Sheffield Smithson IV) headquarters to get a feeling for what their constituents are thinking and driving, and where they keep the keys and sparkplugs for what they're driving. I'm sure he just wants to make sure everyone gets to the caucus safely and on time on Monday! I'll be sure to keep you all abreast of the situation.

Oh, and if thanks to Rovey's boss's economic policies you're blessed with the funds for luxuries like basic cable and feel like tuning in to CNN on Friday evening at 7:00 EST, there's a chance I might be chatting with that dreamy (all though OF COURSE, he's no hunktacular Rovey!) Anderson Cooper about my boundless love for my Blubblenumpykins, and the super-fun chats I had with the agents who look after his boss! Rovey's only considering letting me do thins 'cause it'd be a remote from Iowa, and not in the studio where I just might fall prey to my past Tuckaho temptations. Like I said before, Tucker Carlson and I have been over for AGES, but my Rovey is *such* a sensitive boy. He cries while watching The O.C. sometimes, you know.

Posted by Virginia at January 16, 2004 03:48 AM | TrackBack