November 15, 2008

This Week's Line

This Week's Diva... No, Wait, That's No Diva
Yes, we're all deeply tired of Sarah Palin's sorry ass at this point, but i did want to address one thing. Many disgruntled Republicans have complained of Palin's "diva" behavior. Now, i'm glad they specified that it was her behavior and not her actual state. For example, you would never say Maria Callas was acting like a diva. You'd say she was being a diva. Which Palin most certainly is not, regardless of what she may pretend. Now, it's not just her appalling policies (book banning, choice depriving, shooting wolves from freakin' airplanes fer chrissake) or her fascist tendencies--those have never stopped me from admiring the echt-divaness of Evita Peron--it's that she's just not special enough. Put it this way: She may come from the woods but she is no force of nature.
Refusing to answer an interviewer's questions while blithely continuing your monologue is very diva-ish behavior, but not when the speech you were so desperate to make comes out like a recitation of someone else's college freshman notes. No, that would be the time for the wit, eloquence and self-assurance of a Tallulah Bankhead. And can you imagine anyone more distant from Sarah Palin than Tallulah Bankhead? The winking, the "you betchas," they shriek of a desire to appear ordinary that no true diva would even recognize, much less pursue. And, frankly, she's condescending to her audience and divas do not do that. They seduce, they berate, they adore, they ignore, they uplift, they cajole, they attack, but they do not condescend. And you can be down-home without being like that. I have seen Dolly Parton from the fifth row and you, lady, are no Dolly Parton.
Another reason she's not a diva is, truly, she's really just a teenager. As my friend Laura astutely put it, "she's like the mean girl" and indeed she is. As far as I understand it, the woman governed her state like she was in high school: Rewarding those who she likes today, punishing those she doesn't. Add in the desperate need for attention and the childish idea that being a politican means someone else picks up the tab for your trips, your kids' trips, your designer wardrobe (And how the hell did she spend over $150,000?! I mean, I know those suits weren't Prada! I saw no Alexander McQueen ballgown!), and anything else you might desire. In this respect, she exemplifies the very traits that men always said were the reasons women should not take political office. Emotional, narcissistic, greedy, she makes me ashamed of my gender and my nation, since I know, you know, even Bill O' Reilly knows that we have some truly outstanding women in our government. But, no, we gotta play amateur night at the beauty pageant with this bimbo who is still hoodwinking 'em that cunning and ambition are the same as intelligence and accomplishment. Publicly, people still act as though, as long as Palin can string three sentences together without crying or throwing up on herself, she's making a smashing success. Our expectations of her are that low. And low expectations never made a diva.
One thing, though: I will give her credit for the hair. That Breakfast at Tiffany's beehive she was sporting at the beginning was fun and I also enjoyed the Raquel Welch/Miss September 1971 sex kitten 'do she wore at the Republican Governors' Convention. But, beyond that, Ms. Palin is another ranting fascist blowup doll of the Far Right and talk radio airbags and Fox News blowhards will continue to babble about her brilliance and the media's sexism alll the while fantasizing about her dressed in leather, pissing in their mouths.
My only regret is that Hunter S. Thompson did not live to eviscerate this woman in prose.

This Week's Taste Sensation
Well, i have resumed my purisut of the ultimate caffeine experience--Yes, i did go green tea for a while there, but that shit just doesn't cut it when you're under deadline. Thus, the Starbucks Doubleshot Energy Drink. not only coffee, but ginseng, guarana, and vitamins. Yes, i know all that's missing from that combo is cocaine. The taste, as you can imagine, is a bit on the strong side, so the SDED is best enjoyed over ice in a pint glass. Out of the flavors, I prefer the mocha, although vanilla is nice too (the coffee-flavored one is just redundant). I also hear that it's quite good spiked with double espresso vodka, but I haven't gotten to that yet. Surprisingly.

This Week's Inspirational Website
So, I used up all my unused Delta frequent flier miles on magazine subscriptions. I've been getting the Economist each week--and actually read it too, thank you and did you know the impending recession will not be hitting the Third World as hard as the first and second so the burgeoning economies may actually catch up a little. But each month I receive a stack of W, Harper's Bazaar, and Lucky and ususally pick up Vogue on the newsstand as long as the starlet on the cover is not too objectionable. This is only further feeding my reawakened desire to dress up (or at least dress better) that has set in over the past year or so. I fret about the amount of black and grey in my closet and that i don't accessorize enough, as well as being even later for absolutely everything. (In good news, though, i bought myself this dress for my birthday.) Also aiding and abetting this process is Deep Glamour, a website that fusses over Madonna's purses and Michalle Obama's dresses, but also the sluttiness of Disney Princesses and the politcal incorrectness of WWI-era poster art. Good stuff.

This Week's Quote
“Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live.”--Charles Bukowski

This Week's Netflix
The more I think about it, the more i wasn't crazy about it. I've always been really fond of Sweeney Todd (Yes, I used to have the original cast album. Thank you.), I even made my parents take me to see an in-the-round Broadway production when I was in high school that was quite awesome. But the movie, really, is far too pretty and sanitized--it just isn't grim enough. Sweeney Todd is like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre as written by Charles Dickens. Not a Cure video. I feel this is largely because Depp & Bonham-Carter were both too young and pretty and sympathetic. Like that whole at-the-sea-quence that seemed to be mostly devoted to getting her dolled up in Gothic Lolita drag. (I mean, she looks fabulous. I love the tatty Victorian outfits. But Mrs. Lovett can not wear a smoky eye and a push-up bra!) And they eliminated my favorite number, where the villain flogs himself while singing hymns and ogling his lovely ward through the peephole.

All I could think was this: "Dammit, if they'd gotten Tom Waits and Marianne Faithful, this would be the greatest film in history." Think of it. Marianne's half-"screw you," half-rueful "Worst Pies in London" (And, on her, the smudged mascara and the hoisted tits would work.) matched only by the chilling glory that would be Waits' "Epiphany" number. (Depp was good and all, but I know Waits' "Care for a shave?" would make the blood freeze in your veins. Remember his unsettling performance as Renfield in the otherwise kinda excruciating Dracula? Now that was a movie they should've gotten Helena Bonham-Carter for.) And, oh, their cannibalism duet would be so gravelly and witty and perfectly paced. I can see and hear it all so clearly in my mind and, thus, this version--while nice and all--frustrates me even more. Honestly, most of the people who loved this movie seem like they'd love pretty much anything by Tim Burton and/or with Johnny Depp. Who, at this point, i am completely over. I mean, great vision and all from Burton, but he's been working the same schtick for the past 15 years. "But you're not counting Planet of the Apes," you say. I know, because i really liked Ed Woodand i want to do the man some kind of favor. (Did you know Ed Wood was from Poughkeepsie, just like myself? I'd say there was something in the water that generated schlock conniesseurs if we weren't about the only ones. Vive le cinema mauvais!)

This Week's Video
Ah, In Search Of. How i loved you as a child. How i love you still because Atlantis, Bigfoot, the Bermuda Triangle, and Leonard Nimoy never get old.

Posted by lissa at November 15, 2008 12:59 AM