The crystal Swarovski chandeliers ascend to the ceiling, fading to black. The conductor makes his entrance to great acclaim. The overture plays. The curtain goes up. And suddenly you're at your first opera! Now what?

This section discusses some "dos and don'ts" (sorry, they're mostly don'ts) for the first-timers--little things that will make the Met experience more pleasant for you and the people sitting around you.

If you have to cough or sneeze, do it while people are applauding. The conductor's entrance or the end of "Celeste Aida" are ideal moments for a good honk or hack.

Make sure you have tissues, cough drops (unwrap them before the show starts--the rattling of candy papers is really annoying in a darkened theater), or whatever on your lap or in an easily accessible pocket during the performance.

Don't lean forward in your seat--you'll usually block the person sitting behind you.

Don't talk. This one seems fairly obvious, doesn't it? The people around you will be willing to listen to what you have to say about the opera--during the intermission.

Also--and this goes for any classical or opera concert--don't sing, hum along, or tap your feet in time to the music. I started going to the opera when I was ten years old, and quickly learned not to do this.

Don't applaud until the music stops. Another obvious rule that's ignored by too many people. If applause is warranted for an aria or a chorus the conductor will provide a pause at the end of the number. When the orchestra takes a breather, go nuts. But wait until the music stops. (NB: There are some exceptions in 20th-century opera--"Nessun Dorma" from "Turandot" springs to mind. Under no circumstances should you applaud during a Wagner opera--save it for the end of the act.

Stay awake.
You don't have to pop No-Doz in your seat, but there are tricks to staying alert and focused during a long opera. Look down at the orchestra pit and watch the players come and go (an entertaining activity at a long Wagner work, but one you can't do from the more expensive seats). Study the scenery, the costumes, the lighting--all integral parts of a good operatic experience.

Don't watch the conductor's baton--the hypnotic motion will make you drowsy. Take your eyes off the stage once in a while. Count the light fixtures, the ceiling bevels. Study your Met Titles screen. Slap yourself across the face (silently), but stay awake!

Intermission:

Intermission length depends on the opera being performed. For the big Wagner and Verdi works, intermissions give singers and orchestra members a chance to rest their lungs--and stagehands the time to perform any complex scene change. While all this activity is going on, the audience has time to nibble on tiny, pricey sandwiches and brownies, or enjoy an expensive, rushed dinner at the Met's restaurant. Here's some hints to help you survive the crush in the crush bars.

Head downstairs. Sure that cocktail bar on your level looks convenient, but it's tiny and it will fill up fast. For quicker service, try the Revlon Bar on the Grand Tier level (it's just underneath one of the big Chagall paintings by the windows) or the bar in Founder's Hall at the very lowest level of the house. Founder's Hall has this big white and gold display with the names of everyone who's poured cash into the Met coffers over the years--but it is also the home of a fabulous exhibit of paintings and statues depicting composers and singers of years gone by.

Smoke on the plaza. The only legal place you can smoke at the Met is outside on the Grand Tier balcony. Light up and enjoy the night air. If you don't smoke, you might want to avoid this area altogether--that night air gets pretty smoky. Another alternative is to obtain a pass from an usher at the plaza level entrance--the pass is needed along with your ticket stubs to let you back into the house.

Ring them bells. As intermission draws to an end, the Met ushers walk up and down the stairs and through the various promenades playing random little melodies on these tiny hand-held xylophones. It's time to get back to your seats...